Sir Tom Jones himself is set to be banned in Wales. With two women per week killed by a partner or ex-partner, “She stood there laughing, I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more” surely isn’t the ideal anthem for public events, sing-a-longs, weddings…
The English language is rich in heritage evolved from centuries of invasions and influence. That evolution has stilted. How much of our phraseology stems from a history of patriarchy, misogyny, that we don’t even recognise?
Everyday phrases we might want to reconsider…
Before you next announce the euphemistic need for a comfort break, think of the 200,000 comfort women (or girls, a significant percentage were minors). Women from Korea, China, the Philippines forced into sexual slavery by the Imperial Japanese army in occupied territories before and during WWII. These women were held captive for months, even years, in “comfort stations” (brothels). Established to reduce the instance of wartime rape, but served to increase both rape and the spread of venereal disease. The service men would casually announce that they were taking a “comfort break” as they took time out in a station to rape an enslaved woman.
The commonly referred to rule of thumb is said to be derived from an 18th century judge, who stated that a man could beat his wife providing the stick was no wider than his thumb. This association with domestic abuse and violence continued in modern USA, where even the Commission on Civil Rights published a report as recently as 1982 on domestic abuse entitled “Under the Rule of Thumb”.
When is a man “hysterical”?
We overuse the word for a joke or situation that may not be that funny. If we reconsider hysterical in reference to a person, its origins and usage are specifically female and undoubtedly pejorative.
We owe this one to the Ancient Greeks, “hystera” being the Greek word for womb. They believed that a woman’s uterus could wander throughout the rest of her body, causing a range of medical and psychological problems – shortness of breath, fainting, fragility, weakness, and general madness. Victorian (ahem, male) doctors took the baton and extended the belief that most health or psychological problems a woman experienced stemmed from the uterus, diagnosing hysteria. A catch-all term for anything men didn’t understand and couldn’t manage. Providing a valid excuse to institutionalise women.
The condition was discredited in 1980 but continues to be used to refer to someone in a state of heightened emotion or excitable behaviour, but rarely directed at a man!
Scolding is also an approach, or reproach, long reserved for the female. At best a person who nags or grumbles constantly (typically used of a woman). At worst “a woman who disturbs the public peace by noisy and quarrelsome or abusive behaviour”. Punishable into the 18th century by the “Scold’s bridle”– an iron muzzle that encased the head, often with a gag or bit designed to suppress, even spike, the tongue and silence the victim. To be worn in public.
To love and obey
From bridle to bride, the patriarchy in marriage runs wild. To this day, a woman is given away from father to husband, like a piece of property or meat. Once he has popped the question of course. Only in the 19th century, a woman had to be married to earn her own money or even inherit property. A right to social security was only granted, through marriage, in the 20th century (housewife’s allowance). Horrifyingly, it was into the 21st century, only 20 years ago in 2003, that rape was finally made explicitly illegal in marriage, and another 3 years in 2006 until the Church of England removed “obey” (well, offered an alternative) from the bride’s Anglican wedding vows. Even then only after a report was published accusing the Church of failing to develop itself in many “points” which could be used to prevent domestic abuse.
But back to the point, and the endless pejorative language that floats around the institution: always the bridesmaid, never the bride (vs the Best Man), the spinster (vs the Batchelor), ball and chain, trophy wife, trouble and strife, her indoors…the list goes on.
The Punchline
Onto being as pleased as Punch. There is nothing subtle about that wife-beating sadist, and a stick way bigger than his thumb. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, a murky idiom stemming from the order in which a household could enjoy their monthly bath: the father, then the sons, then the mother and the rest. Creating the risk that the baby might get thrown out with the filthy bathwater. The patriarchal pecking order at its finest.
Maybe we didn’t know the origins of some of these phrases and use them in innocent ignorance of their derogatory meaning. But we should think about the language we use and how it perpetuates centuries of misogyny. We certainly can’t claim innocent ignorance of the myriad of pejorative commonplace words that don’t have a male equivalent – bitch, bossy, career woman, frigid, homewrecker, MILF, spinster, slut. Need we continue.