No early adopter here, these recent testimonies made me finally sit down, brace myself, and watch two significant documentaries of the year, Ian Wright: Home Truths, and Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia. Jolting, provoking, and heart wrenching, two stories honestly told.

I don’t entirely subscribe to mental health conditions being gender based, although some are inevitably gender biased. All humans are susceptible. But I do subscribe to the fact that sociological conditioning makes men less likely to disclose and seek help.  The production of these documentaries highlighted these powerhouses of sporting prowess and achievement can bring authenticity to extremely traumatic and horrendously common experiences and raise critical awareness for the primetime public eye.

The domestic violence that Wright grew up with, witnessing it against his mother, and the physical and psychological control and bullying that he too experienced at the hands of his stepdad was a devastating story to witness. The impact on his older brother as he tried to shield him, in vain. How did it influence his persona on the pitch, a self-confessed unmanageable anger, did it make him one of the best strikers of his generation? Was he fuelled or fenced by this childhood experience? Wright survived, and somehow thrived, but many children don’t.

Flintoff, the best all-rounder in modern cricketing memory, became consumed with bulimia nervosa after a programme of coverage from the tabloid press labelling him fat and unfit, even irresponsible, in his early twenties. Yet as he still smashed sixes and crushed wickets in response, the scars and cycle remain with him now in his forties. Interestingly he began to open up a decade earlier, in his thirties, about depression, but still couldn’t disclose his battle with bulimia. And even now, can seemingly still not bring himself to seek help as he perceives it to be under control, despite a daily battle with food and subsequent excess of exercise. Credit to his own will, he’s found a strategy and balance because he’s had a “lucky” career, rationalises the mental health challenges as a fair cross to bear.

They have each continued to have astounding careers, MBE awarded sportsmen, pundits, presenters, writers, dads, entertainers on dancefloors and in jungles. Powerful, and relatable emblems of what can be overcome and achieved.

We are so proud and fond of our sporting heroes, and so perhaps we can accept them being fallible.

That fallibility needs to continue to be discussed, shared, promoted, and one day, maybe not be seen as fallibility but just human nature, and human nature than can be supported and helped. Ian and Andrew will never be lesser sportsmen, they will only be greater humans.

And still there to watch:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000n1xx/freddie-flintoff-living-with-bulimia

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000vt7g/ian-wright-home-truths

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The seemingly random connection of Sarah as victim to her perpetrator, like Libby Squire before her, brings home the vulnerability women face in their daily lives, and the stark reality of gender-based crime committed by strangers, let alone those known and trusted to us.

2 women a week are killed by a partner or ex-partner but fail to make headline news.

Does anybody even remember the name Cristina Magda-Calancea? Murdered in 2018 at the age of 26 by her ex-partner, and her colleague, in a brutal knife attack.

In this case, a domestic homicide review panel was assembled, and found earlier this year (her) employers still did not understand the benefit of investing in domestic abuse awareness, and it was “disappointing” her employment agency had provided little information to staff. The government have echoed this sentiment that employers “have a duty” to support staff who suffer domestic abuse, yet embarrassingly few have policies in place. The age-old stigma still exists that abuse is only real if its physical, an outdated and inaccurate judgement, but undoubtedly there is a lack of awareness, and confidence, on how to support survivors.

Domestic abuse is estimated to cost the UK economy £66bn a year, the majority in repairing the physical and psychological harm done to survivors, funding specialist services and the spending required to deal with the consequences across the NHS and criminal justice system. But let us not underestimate the cost of lost economic output, absenteeism, financial control preventing women even working, and the grim reality of being forced to flee employment just to be safe.

What if we reframe this as an opportunity for employers to take the lead? Managers and colleagues are in a unique position of regular and frequent interaction with a victim of abuse and can be easily educated on how to spot the signs. Few businesses are unable to provide a physically safe space for a victim to disclose or make a simple phone call to seek outside specialist support. HR departments and managers can be trained to provide a deeper level of support without invading privacy or confidentiality. Domestic abuse policies do not need to be expensive but are critical in tackling this pandemic, acknowledging its impact and the need to reduce it.

With 1 in 4 women experiencing abuse in their lifetime, the solution to ending this cycle is neither simple nor straightforward, but we can help by recognising and raising awareness of the traits and impact of abuse, protecting survivors with provision of emotional and practical support, and pursuing prevention through enhanced awareness, education, and training.

Sources:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-55815959
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-55644222

The post The Real Cost of Domestic Abuse appeared first on Sue Hunt.