One in four women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.

This alarming percentage, recent high-profile and prolific perpetrators convicted or spared – Ryan Giggs, David Carrick, Mason Greenwood – are proof that abuse happens to anyone. Professionals, women with jobs and careers. Still few companies have a domestic abuse policy in place.

Health and safety, discrimination and accessibility are all critical policy areas that companies are required by law abide by. If up to 25% of the female population is at risk from this experience, surely that is a significant enough number of people to warrant equivalent policy and protection? Victims and survivors of abuse are ignored, stigmatised, and inadequately supported.

Economic abuse

HSBC’s recent advertising campaign alerted that 95% of domestic abuse victims experience economic abuse, an increasingly prevalent and now outlawed form of control. This ranges from interfering with or sabotaging the victim’s employment opportunities and career prospects, taking money or bank cards, ruining work clothes, purposefully making a person late, refusing to care for children to enable critical interview, meeting, social event attendance. Let alone causing injury that leads to sickness absence.

This can happen to anyone at any level or role within an organisation, from contracted staff, to managers, board members and CEOs.

Lost output

Even taking the commercial viewpoint of hindered output and productivity over the humanistic concern, research by KPMG for Vodafone points to £316 million of lost economic output from UK businesses each year because of absences related to domestic abuse.

The potential loss of earnings per female victim is £5,800 a year, and one in four survivors are left with debt of over £5,000. A brutal loss amidst an already crippling cost of living crisis.

Spotting the signs of domestic abuse can facilitate early help and the right intervention. This helps both the victim and saves employers’ time and costs associated with performance management or capability procedures. If a third of a person’s life is spent at work, inevitably personal matters will surface, and employers are in a unique position to provide support and understanding to domestic abuse victims.

Employers have a legal duty to take reasonable care of the health and safety of employees, stipulated in common law (the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974). Is that not enough to act? An employer that fosters a culture of openness, commits to protecting workers from all forms of abuse and seeks to support victims is also likely to be better placed to recruit and retain high-performing employees than an employer that doesn’t.

Spotting the symptoms

Victims may experience anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation or bear physical injury. They may be distracted, frequently interrupted, or seem unable to concentrate, display erratic patterns of behaviour or conversely be rigid with timekeeping. These factors could result in performance issues, absenteeism, presenteeism, reduced productivity and lost output. Too often these victims are penalised as the warning signs go unrecognised.

I continue to meet, and be in the most privileged position to work with and support survivors of domestic abuse who have sustained jobs and careers in the most challenging of circumstances.

Safe Spaces

Whatever our political leanings, this Government rightly initiated a consultation on workplace support for victims of domestic abuse in 2020 as lockdowns exacerbated the issue. The report was published and an open letter sent to employers in January 2021. This urged employers to “look at what more their organisation could do to help survivors of domestic abuse”.

Creating safe places of employment cannot be underestimated for the personal wellbeing and economic security of individuals. Ensuring leaders, managers, HR professionals understand their responsibilities and have appropriate policies publicly available. Supporting the most basic human expectation of being safe in your own environment.

Many employers have developed workplace policies and provided training for staff to understand and recognise the signs of domestic abuse. Increasing awareness and understanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse. Being able to spot the signs, believing and knowing how to respond to a disclosure from a staff member or colleague. Protecting and safeguarding that person from abusive partners and harassment in the workplace (surveys show 36-75% of cases involve this). Signposting to the appropriate specialist service. Providing the safe space even to make that call.

Too many still haven’t. Two women a week continue to die at the hands of a partner or ex-partner;. Surely that is motivation enough to play a part in reducing that risk?

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The English language is rich in heritage evolved from centuries of invasions and influence. That evolution has stilted. How much of our phraseology stems from a history of patriarchy, misogyny, that we don’t even recognise?

Everyday phrases we might want to reconsider…

Before you next announce the euphemistic need for a comfort break, think of the 200,000 comfort women (or girls, a significant percentage were minors). Women from Korea, China, the Philippines forced into sexual slavery by the Imperial Japanese army in occupied territories before and during WWII. These women were held captive for months, even years, in “comfort stations” (brothels). Established to reduce the instance of wartime rape, but served to increase both rape and the spread of venereal disease. The service men would casually announce that they were taking a “comfort break” as they took time out in a station to rape an enslaved woman.

The commonly referred to rule of thumb is said to be derived from an 18th century judge, who stated that a man could beat his wife providing the stick was no wider than his thumb. This association with domestic abuse and violence continued in modern USA, where even the Commission on Civil Rights published a report as recently as 1982 on domestic abuse entitled “Under the Rule of Thumb”.

When is a man “hysterical”?

We overuse the word for a joke or situation that may not be that funny. If we reconsider hysterical in reference to a person, its origins and usage are specifically female and undoubtedly pejorative.

We owe this one to the Ancient Greeks, “hystera” being the Greek word for womb. They believed that a woman’s uterus could wander throughout the rest of her body, causing a range of medical and psychological problems – shortness of breath, fainting, fragility, weakness, and general madness. Victorian (ahem, male) doctors took the baton and extended the belief that most health or psychological problems a woman experienced stemmed from the uterus, diagnosing hysteria. A catch-all term for anything men didn’t understand and couldn’t manage. Providing a valid excuse to institutionalise women.

The condition was discredited in 1980 but continues to be used to refer to someone in a state of heightened emotion or excitable behaviour, but rarely directed at a man!

Scolding is also an approach, or reproach, long reserved for the female. At best a person who nags or grumbles constantly (typically used of a woman). At worst “a woman who disturbs the public peace by noisy and quarrelsome or abusive behaviour”. Punishable into the 18th century by the “Scold’s bridle”– an iron muzzle that encased the head, often with a gag or bit designed to suppress, even spike, the tongue and silence the victim. To be worn in public.

To love and obey

From bridle to bride, the patriarchy in marriage runs wild. To this day, a woman is given away from father to husband, like a piece of property or meat. Once he has popped the question of course. Only in the 19th century, a woman had to be married to earn her own money or even inherit property. A right to social security was only granted, through marriage, in the 20th century (housewife’s allowance). Horrifyingly, it was into the 21^st century, only 20 years ago in 2003, that rape was finally made explicitly illegal in marriage, and another 3 years in 2006 until the Church of England removed “obey” (well, offered an alternative) from the bride’s Anglican wedding vows. Even then only after a report was published accusing the Church of failing to develop itself in many “points” which could be used to prevent domestic abuse.

But back to the point, and the endless pejorative language that floats around the institution: always the bridesmaid, never the bride (vs the Best Man), the spinster (vs the Batchelor), ball and chain, trophy wife, trouble and strife, her indoors…the list goes on.

The Punchline

Onto being as pleased as Punch. There is nothing subtle about that wife-beating sadist, and a stick way bigger than his thumb. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, a murky idiom stemming from the order in which a household could enjoy their monthly bath: the father, then the sons, then the mother and the rest. Creating the risk that the baby might get thrown out with the filthy bathwater. The patriarchal pecking order at its finest.

Maybe we didn’t know the origins of some of these phrases and use them in innocent ignorance of their derogatory meaning. But we should think about the language we use and how it perpetuates centuries of misogyny. We certainly can’t claim innocent ignorance of the myriad of pejorative commonplace words that don’t have a male equivalent – bitch, bossy, career woman, frigid, homewrecker, MILF, spinster, slut. Need we continue.

The post Why Delilah? Patriarchy and misogyny in our everyday language appeared first on Sue Hunt.

No early adopter here, these recent testimonies made me finally sit down, brace myself, and watch two significant documentaries of the year, Ian Wright: Home Truths, and Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia. Jolting, provoking, and heart wrenching, two stories honestly told.

I don’t entirely subscribe to mental health conditions being gender based, although some are inevitably gender biased. All humans are susceptible. But I do subscribe to the fact that sociological conditioning makes men less likely to disclose and seek help.  The production of these documentaries highlighted these powerhouses of sporting prowess and achievement can bring authenticity to extremely traumatic and horrendously common experiences and raise critical awareness for the primetime public eye.

The domestic violence that Wright grew up with, witnessing it against his mother, and the physical and psychological control and bullying that he too experienced at the hands of his stepdad was a devastating story to witness. The impact on his older brother as he tried to shield him, in vain. How did it influence his persona on the pitch, a self-confessed unmanageable anger, did it make him one of the best strikers of his generation? Was he fuelled or fenced by this childhood experience? Wright survived, and somehow thrived, but many children don’t.

Flintoff, the best all-rounder in modern cricketing memory, became consumed with bulimia nervosa after a programme of coverage from the tabloid press labelling him fat and unfit, even irresponsible, in his early twenties. Yet as he still smashed sixes and crushed wickets in response, the scars and cycle remain with him now in his forties. Interestingly he began to open up a decade earlier, in his thirties, about depression, but still couldn’t disclose his battle with bulimia. And even now, can seemingly still not bring himself to seek help as he perceives it to be under control, despite a daily battle with food and subsequent excess of exercise. Credit to his own will, he’s found a strategy and balance because he’s had a “lucky” career, rationalises the mental health challenges as a fair cross to bear.

They have each continued to have astounding careers, MBE awarded sportsmen, pundits, presenters, writers, dads, entertainers on dancefloors and in jungles. Powerful, and relatable emblems of what can be overcome and achieved.

We are so proud and fond of our sporting heroes, and so perhaps we can accept them being fallible.

That fallibility needs to continue to be discussed, shared, promoted, and one day, maybe not be seen as fallibility but just human nature, and human nature than can be supported and helped. Ian and Andrew will never be lesser sportsmen, they will only be greater humans.

And still there to watch:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000n1xx/freddie-flintoff-living-with-bulimia

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000vt7g/ian-wright-home-truths

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The headline is an average 9 incidents a day were reported to Bedfordshire police through the pandemic, starting from 1 incident in January 2020, to 289 in March 2021. These incidents are defined as where the person has made a serious attempt to take their own life, only being prevented by a limited number of reasons such as contact from the police or other emergency services.

I cannot compute why this has become a police problem, yes there will be related crimes of violence and public disorder offences, but the police needing to invest already spartan funds in mental health management and preventing suicide feels like a classic case of investment in symptom over cause.

Undoubtedly this only represents the thin end of the wedge too, NHS England reports just under 1.4m people in contact with NHS mental health services (Nov 2020), alarmingly 22% of these are children, but at only 2.5% of the population, no doubt many more cases and conditions are undiagnosed, unreported with treatment only limited to medication, or go unsupported full stop.

I look at my own social and professional circle and the number of people who have lived with anxiety or depression, are on prescribed mental health medication, receiving a form of psychological support, or who still don’t even feel able to seek help for symptoms would be more than 2.5%, and wouldn’t feed into this 1.4m. They outweigh the number of people I know who have had covid by a country mile, and the billions spent there long since dropped off the calculator.

Mental health still falls chronically short of the understanding and investment put into physical health.

Just 14% of total local NHS budget was spent on mental health support in 2019/20, and this allocated budget includes learning difficulties and dementia, so feels both a draconian definition of what constitutes a mental health condition and cannot begin to meet the growing need for services. The Government has a 5-year plan, and a commitment that funding for mental health services will grow faster than overall NHS budgets by 2023/24. Whatever that means and whether we can wait that long.

How else can we approach this growing problem? We know the condition does not discriminate, Caroline Flack, Alexander McQueen, Kate Spade, all shocking and desperately sad losses. Frankie Bridge, Alistair Campbell and our Royal Princes, all critical high-profile ambassadors.

Not to deflect from obligations of the welfare state, a recent report from Mental Health First Aid England states 1 in 4 people have had no welfare check in from their employer since the start of the pandemic, and a third never spoken to their line manager about their health. Many organisations have provisioned for self-care, but what about collective care and corporate responsibility? Stress and isolation too easily lead to anxiety and depression, and even the most archaic employer can recognise the dip in performance and morale that presents.

Train, coach, mentor, or simply talk, our mental health and wellbeing have to become more central to how we support our people and each other.

Original article and sources:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000vsx6/newsnight-04052021

https://www.bedfordshirelive.co.uk/news/bedfordshire-news/bedfordshire-police-appear-bbc-newsnight-5375035

https://www.england.nhs.uk/mental-health/taskforce/imp/mh-dashboard/

The post Are we facing a tsunami of mental health problems? appeared first on Sue Hunt.

For the UK having some of the most advanced domestic abuse laws in the world, whether the stigma or the system, few cases make the distance and cases of high-profile perpetrators are hidden from the headlines. We can all cite cases in the US; James Brown, Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen, Chris Brown to name a few, but still where there were physical injuries as proof. How likely will it be that the assault charges against Giggs are the only ones that stick, and why?

Coercive control became punishable by law in 2015. A milestone introduction, but there is still a long way to go in making that law count for survivors, and penalising, let alone stopping perpetrators. The police recorded 758,941 domestic abuse related crimes in the year up to March 2020*. A 9% increase on the prior year, contributing a staggering 59% of the total number of incidents and crimes reported, and with no doubt a shuddering increase to come from this year of lockdown to March 2021. However only 8% (61,169) of prosecutions for these domestic abuse offences were successful, with just 34 arrests per 100 cases recorded.

So why are these conviction rates so poor? Unsurprisingly, most of these recorded offences, 78%, were violence against the person. Assault is a well-trodden path of readily available evidence of injury and an uncomplicated crime for the police to understand and prove.

Of the thousands of perpetrators that go without conviction, some 52% of lost or dropped cases are associated to the victim; retracted statements, non-attendance at trial or where evidence does not support the case. None of which should be surprising, and all of which can be overcome. By definition of domestic abuse, victims are under a high level of control from their perpetrators, fear, intimidation, shame, all automatically create a high risk of retraction, and a terror at the ordeal of facing them in court. We have run our whole existences on video screens this last year, so why should a woman ever have to be in the same room as their perpetrator now?

Evidence of non-physical abuse can absolutely be gathered but takes more effort and understanding to prove the pattern; emails, messages, social media posts, voice recordings, financial accounts, 3rd party observation as witness statement, could all contribute to successful conviction. Of that 758,941 recorded crimes, for only 24,856 of these offences to be coercive control simply does not make sense in reflecting the true scale of the problem. When 1 in 4 women suffer abuse in their lifetime, it indicates the futility survivor’s still feel in coming forward.

And we are back to Mr Giggs. Yes, innocent until proven guilty, but lets sincerely hope this charge has been pressed soundly and the case judged knowledgeably to make the laws we have in place count.

*Data source – ONS, England and Wales, excluding Greater Manchester

Read a press release here

The post Ryan Giggs charged with coercive control. Could this be a milestone case? appeared first on Sue Hunt.

Home working without doubt has advantages, few miss the grind and cost of the daily commute, productivity is higher, and efficiencies gained tackling work/life admin. Inevitably challenges are posed too; maintaining boundaries of work/life balance of our time and physical space, communication and collaboration must be planned, provision of IT support and office equipment inefficient, and the critical yet complex aspect of mental health and wellbeing has yet to be addressed as a long-term reality.

The impromptu comment at the start of a meeting, coffee machine chat, or gaze out of the window can all be telling indicators of other factors of our lives. Assessing a person’s state of being is infinitely harder on a 2-D screen. The last year has also exposed a critical gap in our focus and investment in physical over mental health.

Investment in our people will need to change, and at every level of seniority. If we assume younger employees may struggle with isolation and the chaos of working in a house share, parents have no separation (or escape!) from the school day routine and may crave the relative calm of an office. Let alone motivation, collaboration, inspiring innovation and maintaining stimulation without the given of human interaction, all circumstances requiring individual investment and care.

Coaching has the possibility to address this range of scenarios, supporting the individual, even as a team intervention to help maintain a sense of collective. Providing a dedicated and safe space for people to talk, recognise and overcome barriers, surface their competencies, focus forward on goals and strategies, and most importantly for the circumstances, build resilience and confidence. All require an individual conversation for the individual to flourish, and a re-setting of and re-investment in personal development after a year of survival.

The post The home strait to spring, and a future of flexible working. How do we re-invest in our people? appeared first on Sue Hunt.

The seemingly random connection of Sarah as victim to her perpetrator, like Libby Squire before her, brings home the vulnerability women face in their daily lives, and the stark reality of gender-based crime committed by strangers, let alone those known and trusted to us.

2 women a week are killed by a partner or ex-partner but fail to make headline news.

Does anybody even remember the name Cristina Magda-Calancea? Murdered in 2018 at the age of 26 by her ex-partner, and her colleague, in a brutal knife attack.

In this case, a domestic homicide review panel was assembled, and found earlier this year (her) employers still did not understand the benefit of investing in domestic abuse awareness, and it was “disappointing” her employment agency had provided little information to staff. The government have echoed this sentiment that employers “have a duty” to support staff who suffer domestic abuse, yet embarrassingly few have policies in place. The age-old stigma still exists that abuse is only real if its physical, an outdated and inaccurate judgement, but undoubtedly there is a lack of awareness, and confidence, on how to support survivors.

Domestic abuse is estimated to cost the UK economy £66bn a year, the majority in repairing the physical and psychological harm done to survivors, funding specialist services and the spending required to deal with the consequences across the NHS and criminal justice system. But let us not underestimate the cost of lost economic output, absenteeism, financial control preventing women even working, and the grim reality of being forced to flee employment just to be safe.

What if we reframe this as an opportunity for employers to take the lead? Managers and colleagues are in a unique position of regular and frequent interaction with a victim of abuse and can be easily educated on how to spot the signs. Few businesses are unable to provide a physically safe space for a victim to disclose or make a simple phone call to seek outside specialist support. HR departments and managers can be trained to provide a deeper level of support without invading privacy or confidentiality. Domestic abuse policies do not need to be expensive but are critical in tackling this pandemic, acknowledging its impact and the need to reduce it.

With 1 in 4 women experiencing abuse in their lifetime, the solution to ending this cycle is neither simple nor straightforward, but we can help by recognising and raising awareness of the traits and impact of abuse, protecting survivors with provision of emotional and practical support, and pursuing prevention through enhanced awareness, education, and training.

Sources:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-55815959
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-55644222

The post The Real Cost of Domestic Abuse appeared first on Sue Hunt.

They’ve been psychologically controlled, abused and belittled and yet still many callers to the Refuge National Domestic Abuse Helpline are stoic – apologetic, even. Until, that is, they hear three simple words: “I believe you”. Then they often start to cry.

“They’ve been led to think that any problems in the relationship are their fault – it’s a common facet of control,” explains Sarah Clarke, who answers helpline calls five days a week. “They’re astonished to learn that the same patterns of abuse are being carried out in countless households across the country.”

Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline, which is run by a team of expert, trained female staff and volunteers, offers friendly, non-judgemental support to thousands of women. Recent ONS figures suggest that one in four women in England and Wales will experience domestic abuse at some stage in their life; coronavirus restrictions have amplified the problem, however, with increased caller volumes during both lockdowns putting pressure on the helpline.

“The enforced isolation helps perpetrators to separate their partners from family and friends and take full control of their finances and activities,” explains Hannah, who volunteers for the helpline three times a month from her desk at home. “Domestic abuse should be a thing of the past, but it’s a pandemic of its own.”

It can be difficult to understand why a woman wouldn’t walk out on a man who causes her untold pain, but there are countless reasons why she stays. Many of the callers Hannah and Sarah speak to describe their partners as charming, loving men for much of the time; they blame themselves for the violence and bullying.

“Women try to normalise abuse for the sake of their children or their religion or for financial reasons,” says Sarah, 45, who had a career in advertising before joining the helpline as staff. “They don’t see that their partner has been slowly chipping away their self-confidence.” There is no typical victim, adds Hannah; the person on the other end of the line could be of any age, race or demographic. “It always surprises me how endemic the problem is – even the most independent, strong-willed women can become a victim,” she says.

A positive aspect of the coronavirus pandemic is that domestic abuse has been spotlighted by the media, helping more women to see that their situation is not normal – but the stresses of furlough and lockdown have led to more cases. “We’re receiving more reports of psychological and emotional abuse as people realise that abuse isn’t always physical – it’s about control,” Hannah says. “These are highly manipulative men we’re dealing with. They’re not going to let their partner show up on Zoom with a black eye; they make them suffer with other gestures – breaking their treasured objects; convincing them they’re going crazy; monitoring their expenditure and phone calls.”

During both lockdowns, the helpline has also received more calls from third parties concerned about children and teens who, stuck inside with their parents, begin to notice the abusive behaviour playing out in their family home.

“Sadly psychological abuse very easily leads into physical violence,” Hannah explains. Just like the callers, the helpline team is made up of all ages and backgrounds. “It’s a fascinating mix of people united by a common cause and objective,” Sarah adds. They’re not qualified counsellors or lawyers, but they provide a full spectrum of emotional and psychological support – both on the phone and via live online chat.

“We listen, we unpick the situation and give them emotional and practical support about their rights and the options available to them in terms of divorce, child contact and finances should they decide to leave,” explains Sarah, who is a survivor of domestic abuse herself.

“We can also put them in touch with a specialist domestic abuse worker who will provide regular support.”

Often the caller will be someone who contacts the helpline frequently, but sometimes the woman on the end of the line will be opening up for the first time after decades of abuse. “I find these calls some of the hardest – it’s so powerful that they’re finally calling us in their fifties or sixties, but it’s also devastating that they’ve suffered for so long,” Sarah says. No matter how serious the accusations, she will never tell the caller to “leave him”, though – the helpline has a strict protocol to protect the caller.

If the perpetrator is in the house during the call, they encourage the caller to get back in touch when they are alone or communicate via the helpline’s online chat feature or secure email web form, where they can request a safe time to be contacted; they are also mindful that perpetrators will often pretend to be victims in order to find out what support their partner is being given. “If the woman is not ready to leave, we respect that; if they do want to explore their options, we’ll outline the housing options available to them or help them find a space in one of our refuges,” Hannah says. “That moment when a woman leaves is the most critical time – it’s when she is most likely to be at risk of harm. It takes an average of seven attempts until she actually gets away.”

Initially Hannah worried that she’d find it difficult not to switch off from the disclosures of abuse, but she was surprised by her resilience. Before taking their first call, staff and volunteers receive extensive training and there is an online chat room open for support during shifts.

“I get so much more from this than I give,” she says. “The callers are so inspiring – someone is telling them every day they’re worthless, and yet they keep going. It’s mind-blowing.”

Some of the trickiest calls Sarah and Hannah receive are those from third parties – concerned friends or family who want to know how to support women suffering abuse. “Often it’s not safe for them to intervene directly,” Sarah says. “If the survivor themselves isn’t ready to take action then intervening can have a negative effect, empowering the abuser and putting the woman in serious danger.” She advises friends and relations to offer their support in a non-judgemental way and encourage their loved one to contact the Refuge helpline. “It takes confidence to dial the number, but it’s the safest way for them to escape their situation. Shockingly, around two women a week in England and Wales are killed by a partner or ex-partner.”

As helpline staff and volunteers rarely speak to the same caller twice, they don’t often hear what happens to the caller once she puts the phone down. While Sarah would be interested to hear the outcomes, she is confident the conversations she has have a profound impact. “You can see the change taking place over just one call,” she says. “The caller might have been in tears throughout, but by the end you will hear them laugh or simply breathing more easily.”

This, she says, brings her more job satisfaction than she had in 20 years working in advertising. “Domestic abuse is very much a man-made problem,” she explains. “It can – and must – be stopped.”

Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week for free, confidential specialist support. Refuge is one of four charities supported by The Telegraph’s Christmas Charity Appeal. The others are Cruse Bereavement Care, Macmillan Cancer Support and Carers UK. To make a donation visit telegraph.co.uk/appeal or call 0151 284 1927

Original Article

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